G1, I’m exhausted! Seriously, I know everyone always says that the last year goes the quickest, but whoa!
This last term has been a mental whirlwind of aptitude tests and driving hours, hair appointments and shopping trips, exams and extra study, and all the usual tears, yelling and laughter.
Thankfully mostly the latter.
I know tomorrow is going to be one of those moments that imprints on my brain forever. I see you, walking across the crossing all by yourself for the first time in year 1, too big backpack, too big dress, looking so proud and happy! I see you walking out of the airport waiting room after flying back from Canberra in Year 7, again, proud and happy, and tomorrow I will see you in your school uniform for the last time, accepting your year 12 certificate.
I guess I just want now, to explain away my emotions, that will no doubt make an appearance tomorrow, at your graduation.
I’m going to cry. Despite your father asking me not to. And despite it appearing that I’m sad, it’s not entirely true.
I’m excited for your future, excited for you to be handed your certificate, excited to see your grades, excited for your formal and your Jessica rabbit dress, your sparkly shoes and fancy nails, your beautiful hair and stunning make up, your photos, your dinner, your after party, your last hoorah with some of your mates (some, because you may not see all of these guys together again until your 10 year reunion), excited for your schoolies fun, excited for your career and all it will entail.
I’m proud, proud of your hard work (your just like your Daddy), proud of your resilience, proud of your dedication, proud of your ability to not hold grudges, to be Switzerland (like your mumma), proud of you standing up for what you believe in, proud of you taking in information, proud of you being brave enough to try scary new things (being the only girl in the blue shed, going on the young endeavor), proud of your kind heart, your open mind, and your quick witted humor (you get that from your Aunty).
I’m scared. Scared of the world corrupting you. Of the world hurting you, or disappointing you. Scared to death of anything bad ever happening to you.
I’m eager. Eager to see what’s next! How you’ll grow and change. How you’ll adapt. What obstacles you’ll overcome and how!
I’m happy! So happy to see you glowing, happy to see you with your friends, happy to see the way you interact with your teachers and other adults. Happy to see that stunning smile, (that your dad and I made all by ourselves), so happy to see you so happy.
I’m humbled, that your so amazing, and I’m stunned, that I, that we, could make someone as perfect, as clever, as funny, as beautiful and as special as you.
And yes, I’m sad, because I miss my baby.
So when I’m crying, like I am now, that’s why.
Congratulations my darling, I love you.